A story that feels like a clever parable or allegory but doesn’t actually have a point and instead…Once upon a time a magician was sitting by a pond. He was wondering about a magic show he had coming up that weekend and was also beginning…Dec 8, 2022Dec 8, 2022
“Come and Take It” -a poem by Ted CruzCome and take it Help me bake it Turkeys hard I can’t make itNov 22, 2020Nov 22, 2020
Oblique Strategies for the Art of Sandwich MakingUse brown mustard instead of yellow mustard. Then add yellow mustard.Nov 9, 2020Nov 9, 2020
Published inSlackjawYou Crime Solving Kids Are Making Us Local Police Look Bad!With the five of you going around cracking cases, you’re making us cops look real bad out there.Jul 21, 20201Jul 21, 20201
What I Miss MostSure, I miss going places and seeing my family and friends. I miss driving. I miss the unique sensation of being around strangers — a…May 20, 2020May 20, 2020
9 things you can do with $500,000,0001. Buy seven Gulfstream G650ER Jets ($66.5m x 7 = $465.5m) and ruin a minor league baseball game by having them have them fly over for 8…Mar 4, 2020Mar 4, 2020
List of Places I Have Recently Learned Where You’re Apparently Not Allowed to Eat Sunflower Seeds…Apparently NOT in your own damn carFeb 2, 2020Feb 2, 2020
A story about 9/11You know how when you were growing up, every time you walked into a house that wasn’t yours you’d be perplexed by its smell? Every house…Sep 11, 2019Sep 11, 2019
The Fireflies of SummerWhen the fireflies arrived in our new backyard a few weeks ago, I thought they were beautiful.Jun 24, 2019Jun 24, 2019
An Open Letter to my 3 year old daughter on Father’s Day.Thank you for changing my life in many thousands of profound ways, of which I am only aware of a fraction, surely. Thank you for the…Jun 16, 2019Jun 16, 2019
